the update...

well, it (once again) has been quite a grip since i've posted on here. . .

Life right now, is, well, wonderful. With all of the things I have going on (and there's always a lot), I can say that I am truly thankful to have a life so full of love, family and meaning. I realize that there are many who just don't have that. Where do I begin???

...the wedding
planning is going well for the wedding. i mean, damn. we have had 2 years and some change to get all of the details together, haven't we? we are just finishing the process of securing all of the services (except the limousines, flowers and the honeymoon)...all of the rest at this point is feeling like gravy by comparison. i just didn't realize how expensive our little wedding would be! it's hard to remember all of the details, even for a thorough planner like me. who can remember auntie this one and that one or cousin so-and-so and what's-his-face from work for the invitation purposes. so, N and I are deftly straddling that etiquette fence between doing what's expected of all brides and grooms and doing things our way. but, even with all of the costs and the endless array of things to remember and plan for, I am still incredibly jazzed about our big day. we are party people, so you can imagine that this wedding is going to be some shindig!

...the gym
i've been going to the gym with N y'all! it has been great for us to join the Y together. did you know city employees get a discount? i pay 40 bucks/month for myself and N!!! anywho, our Y is a state-of-the-art exercise and activity complex, and there are lots of things to do. with the help of a trainer (free), we do cardiovascular and strength training workouts. i love that the members come in all shapes and sizes....the meat market musclefest element is not there at the Y. everyone is there, honestly trying to achieve some level of fitness...after the wedding i'd like to look into the swimming classes (yeah, i'm one of those city kids who never learned!)....i have been so much more energized since i started going....i have to get my butt in gear and drag it in there, especially after the big Thanksgorging holiday!!!

...the teaching
teaching is wonderful! of course, with any teaching gig, comes the usual causes of my weekly headaches: the shiftless co-worker who's there for a paycheck, that undiagnosed AD/HD kid who just won't sit still during the mini-lesson, and the million and one things to do in one school day. however, this is one time when i can say that they admins are allllllright. i never thought i'd be in a situation like this, but i thank the Creator that i am. one admin is a former co-worker from my first school, and like everything she does, she is no joke at her job. that's one of the main reasons why i wanted to teach at her school--she knows her shit, folks. and, because of that, there are many forces at work in our school. many of my co-workers are threatened by her gender or her race or even her age (she's on the younger side), and that manifests itself in many different ways on our staff. i can't believe the time some folks take in trying to sabotage her for these reasons. if these co-workers spent the time it takes to try and get her in trouble on their own pedagogy, we'd have an all-star cast of teachers. they hate the fact that she really is there for the kids first and foremost. teachers keeping the school from putting the children first---sounds backward, doesn't it? well, the lesson I've learned in education if nothing else, is that you can't make the truths of public education up, however sad and unbelievable they might be...
On another note, I'm fortunate enough to have met some wonderful fellow educators here as well. It also doesn't hurt that my class is relatively small (14 kids!)... I've also been fortunate to have a few extra per-session jobs to help out financially with the wedding...N is being so supportive about it all...he cooks dinner on the nights I come home late, does his and my share of the housework when he knows I'm exhausted. He is already being what I consider a wonderful husband!!!

...the life with N
my life with N is great. i can't imagine where i'd be without him. i have grown so much as a person since we met. we have argued and fought about zillions of things, but there's a strong foundation underneath all of it...and that's what I come back to each time. I recently shared this concept with a girlfriend of mine who is now living with her man. She'd having a hard time adjusting to sharing her space. She finds herself arguing with him about the smallest, though not insignificant things. I shared with her that we argue from time to time, too. However, the difference is that instead of just throwing in the towel, that foundation of love that we have for each other brings me back to a place of sticking with it and making it work. The "fights" are always in some way about us wanting to make happiness possible in every way. We both are continually learning how to communicate better with each other as a result. This love we have has found a home inside both of us, and neither one of us ever wants to let that go...so I'm incredibly happy to be with him.

For now, that's all there is...but it's enough. I have some ideas for the future, but until then, I'm still working, teaching, and loving hard...and enjoying it...




new school year, same stuff...

i just wanted to quickly update my blog. here's the newest information:

  • still engaged to be married getting all of the initial details out of the way this fall (bridal party meets each other, what businesses will be performing what services during the wedding, etc.)
  • just started a new school year i'm in brooklyn teaching 4th grade, and i'm working at a friend's school...this is an interesting dynamic which i will report more on later...
  • not much else... well, there is...but i'll say more when i can.


good, but something's missing. . . .

So, i went to the New Edition concert yesterday at the Beacon Theatre here in New York City. KC and JoJo opened for them and everything, y'all!

The concert was good, but there was no Ralph Tresvant and (not surprisingly) no Bobby Brown. As a true NE fan, I have to admit I was saddened to see this. It took me a while to come back around at that concert, people!

Nevertheless, the remaining four (Ronny, Ricky, Mike and Johnny) really gave it their all. Even they were worried about performing with out all of the members, specifically Ralph. But after the crowd cheered them on, they were feeling good about performing. "Damn, y'all making us feel like Ralph and Bobby are here with us!!!" remarked one of the NE members in between sets.

N didn't understand how I felt about the frontman being absent. I mean, every girl who was about 8 or 10 years old when NE hit the scene should know how I feel. I had a little bit of NE Heartbreak for a minute! Aside from that, I paid a hefty price for the tickets and the seats were wonderful! I could make out their faces for once. To not have all of them there made me feel a little jipped!

But, their individual group and solo songs were the smelling salts I needed. I mean, how can a girl not feel better when you've got BBD singing "Tell me when will I see you smile again/'Cause I know I messed up baaayyyybay/And I know you're fed up sugahhh." Johnny came and did his thing with a few of his solo hits as well. I'd never turn down "My, My, My, My, My, My, Myyyyyy/You sure look goood tonight...."

Throw in a little impromptu mini-tribute to Gerald Levert, and you've got a pretty good show.

So, on the morning after, I feel good about having seen one of my favorite groups ever. I hope I can see them altogether again. They're coming out with an album, they said. Maybe I'll get to see them when they go on tour....


a good time was had by all....

So, a lot has happened in two weeks.

My surgery went well, I am happy to report. I have spent the last two weeks recovering. No weird side effects. My follow-up appointment is this Monday, and I expect that he will tell me that everything has healed nicely. The real test will be when my cycle comes around. The pain (or lack thereof) will tell the true tale.

Actually, I have been pushing myself a little bit more physically in these last two weeks. Both N and I have been really active the last few weekends, what with Father's Day, the Jill Scott/Musiq concert, the Cassandra Wilson Central Park Summerstage concert under the stars (awesome because I have a friend who has V.I.P. access), and our regular end-of-the-week "date nights."

This has also been the last two weeks of school, which at my current school means TONS of trips. We've gone to a picnic in the park, a trip to the Museum of Natural History (read: walking, walking, and more walking!). We went to Club Getaway, where we (both students and I) bungee jumped, did the zip line swing between trees, rock climbed and then had the nerve to have a dance party! I finally "chicken noodle souped" for my kids. They lost it!!! :) I honestly think that they think we teachers sleep in the closets at work at the end of the day and come back out in the morning only to teach them.

The graduation and prom were both yesterday as well. It was a wonderful day. There is nothing like having the graduating class at a school. So far, I have helped to orchestrate numerous graduations as a veteran teacher of seniormost students in schools. When I finally saw my kids all together in their caps and gowns, I felt that familiar June tug at my heart. It finally hit me--They're graduates. I have to let my babies go! In fact, my 6th grade is the first class to have started from Kindergarten at the charter school where I work. So, in essence, they really were the first graduating class at the school. And, fittingly enough, to end the graduation, they sang "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now" by McFadden & Whitehead.

So now that it's all over, I sit here in my jammies and my kerchief, thinking about my own fate this summer. I will hopefully be teaching in Brooklyn next year, and I won't be making many trips to Harlem after this week save for my great braid stylist at Turning Heads Salon. As has been the case several years in a row before now, my life and my career will take a new turn when I say goodbye to my colleagues at my current school. Like my graduates, there "ain't no stoppin'" me either from this point on.

I'll keep you updated on my summer as it unfolds....


Here's The Day. . .

Today is the day of my surgery. I am a little nervous, but I know it has to be done. I am thankful that I will have my fiance N (remember him? :) ) at my side all day. I also have my dad coming to pick us up from the hospital later on today. I have a feeling that despite the recovery and "stepping down" time (where they give you juice, a cookie, and ask, "Are you okaaaaaay?"), I will still be a little woozy.

All of this talk of uterine health hearkens my thoughts to my overall health. In presurgical testing, they weigh you, take your blood, your height and ask you all types of questions. A whole litany of questions... Do you smoke, do you drink, do drugs, etc? Any heart conditions, arthritis, cancer, asthma? ... to name a few.

Wow I thought. I don't even have half of these things wrong with me. Aside from a little heartburn and the ongoing saga that is my battle with weight gain, I'm okay. I guess I can at least be thankful that there aren't more health issues to contend with.

N has been a rock throughout the whole thing. He has been there to console me when I've cried (and I've cried a lot about this in these last few weeks), and to reassure me that everything will be fine.

Yet, still in those dark waking hours, when I am awake by myself, the thoughts and fears about today come back. And, I have been able to "talk myself down" from the ledge of the deep end. I've realized over the years that it's in my nature to take everything to the Nth degree, always imagining that worst-case scenario. Having someone very close to me, saying "it'll be okay" helps. Being aware of the behavior and identifying it doesn't hurt either.

It's 7:47 a.m.

4 hours and 13 minutes to go until I go under the knife. I'll be back tomorrow to report the details.

Chill Till Next Time,



I'm here...

I am back in New York. I am teaching again. I am about to begin planning my wedding which has been pushed to May 2008. I am in my new apartment which is almost furnished again.

I'm worried that I won't be able to have kids. I went to the doctor, and he found "polyps" in my uterus....I'm worried that if I can't have children, I can kiss my relationship goodbye....it is one of the main reasons we'd like to get married. I don't think not having kids with this man is an option....

Moreover, given the history with my mother (she died of ovarian cancer), I'm worried that this is the start of my journey down the same damned road.

I'm scared...I just wish someone would understand that. If I don't talk to someone about this fast....I feel like I'm going to explode!!!