i get a call from my dad the other day to tell me that he has an announcement to make at his girlfriend's "holiday" party this Saturday.
i wish i could lie and say i wonder what it will be. i think he's going to marry her. but why am i pissed? shouldn't i be happy like i've been saying all along about their relationship? there i go being human again, because damn if i didn't feel betrayed, crying into my fiance's arms. what's my problem?
is she trying to be my mother? no. but i still feel like he's casting her aside for this, this "woman." it's confusing. i can remember being happy that they were together....i want daddy to be happy. but...i don't like her.
did i even give her a chance? ever? really?
i'll find out on Saturday. yeah, i started not to go because i didn't want to hear it. but that's childish, and i know it. i can be a big girl and withstand some holiday cheer for a few hours in Cherry Hill. ugh.
Creator help me!
how can i even begin to update you on everything? all i know is that i miss blogging to ya. i miss writing like my own rib, man. it's been hard dealing with this and not posting it.
- engaged!!! yes. that i am. i am engaged to my boyfriend N of one year and some change. i could never have told you that this would have happened for us. it's amazing. the wedding is may 2007 in NYC.
- moved. i'm no longer in brooklyn, now in pa. suburban pa. it's quiet, oft maddening, but peaceful since i'm here with my fiance.
- new job. i am no longer teaching (directly). i'm an academic counselor now. however, that (i see now) is a mistake. more later.
so i'm in the midst of planning a wedding, getting used to new digs and my new living partner (haven't really had one since college), and realizing some really crazy things about my new workspace.
me, needing to blog? desperately. everyday. to keep me sane. hopefully.
Ever just feel like your on the brink, the very edge of something great?
I'm feeling like that lately....like I'm going through lots of mental anguish and struggle right now because something really good for me is right around the corner...
Take away fear, and I've probably got it already....