It's October, and I find myself in the beginnings of a relationship. I have to ask myself the same things that my boyfriend asks about falling for me, "What happened to me, baby?"
How did this all happen? Damn if I know, y'all. I tip-toed into this one. I try to be cautious because of how quick I have been to jump into a relationship in the past. But, meeting this guy came out of nowhere, when I wasn't really (supposed to be) interested in looking.
He is kind and he is a good person. He has good intentions and an honorable demeanor. I met him while I was sober. That's important because my last few encounters have happened as a result of heavy drinking, which I'm not proud of. But, it's necessary for me to tell you that so you understand how important our meeting is. He is not from the United States. I met him on vacation. He and I spent almost every day of my vacation together. We still keep in touch by phone weekly. He has no interest in moving to the United States. Maybe you think I'm being stupid about this, and this doesn't have a chance of lasting. That's a risk I'm willing to take though. S'okay with me, no matter how it turns out. I just know that I'm happy right now.
Strange thing, though. I just got a call from a former lover. We'll call him C. C has one of those irresistible charms and we were excellent in bed together. But all in all, we were f--k buddies at best. He called, and asked, "What's up? I haven't heard from you in a while...."
"Yeah, I know, just been busy with work and school," I replied.
C has never been known to mince words, with me or anyone else. He always seems to see right through my bullshit filter I throw up..."What? You have a boyfriend or something?"
"Yeah, I do." I said.
I can't believe I admitted this to C. C was my "alternate" in any relationship situations. If the shit didn't work out, I knew I could fall back on C--literally.
Now, C has been known for his temper and his straightforward way (which I've mentioned). I just knew that he would be ready to blow up at me, angry that I'm deciding to waste my time with this whole exclusive relationship thing AGAIN. Instead, as he has told me in the past, I should be coming to his arms, tentative though they might be.
But not this time. C just replied, "Oh alright. As long as you are happy. What's most important is that at the end of the day, you are happy."
I could've fell to the floor. I didn't though. Instead, I shrugged (as if he could see this over the phone) and said, "Oh, well thank you C. I'm glad that you're supporting me in this. I really like him."
We issued our "keep in touches" and hung up.
Wasn't sure how to feel for a minute there. But I decided that this feeling is nice. A nice surprise to see that people can change.
I am hopeful that this new relationship will be worth it...